Burning

One of the best things I know how to do is write. It is one of the things I do when I cannot scream. When I cannot describe the depths of the things I feel. There is a volcano in my chest. Waiting to erupt every now and then. Sometimes, I am proud of the bubbling lava. Sometimes, I am terrified of it. Every time it starts to bubble, I want to tell you. You, the object of my love. My devotion. An embodiment of forces that I’m willing to surrender my illusory selves to. The selves of me that are unbearably separate from you. You, the direction that tendencies of my desires to merge tend to mindlessly take. In the presence of bubbling love, my identity shatters. And in my battle to make two separates a whole, I become more than I’ve been before. In the mere battle, I grow, even if in that battle, I’m defeated. I still long to tell you to look at these fires. Every time they dance, they burn brighter and the light is blinding to my own sight. The heat, downright untameable. It burns. Like waves of heat. Across my body, mind and soul. They give me feverishness. They give me pain. They give me power. They give me unnatural zeal. They give me unbearable aches in the depths of my being and taint my every fibre with frustrating longing. The longing to spread somewhere. To burn and expand. To leave the limited confinement of the chambers of my heart. I do all I can to extinguish them. Believe me, I do. However they demand to be a force to be reckoned with. They force me into submission. I am left with no choice but to let them burn. To let them consume me until I am flaming and I heat up everything I touch. Until I am in fire limbos, burning inside out throughout everything I do. I resent you sometimes not giving these fires the opportunity to finally rest in the ocean that is you. I resent you for directing your waves into spaces that don’t even need them as much as I do. However, I cannot blame you for not accommodating these fires. They’re mine to endure. It is my responsibility to learn how to tame them. Regardless, my periodic resentment remains unabsolved. Together we could’ve created repeated Leidenfrost effects. We could have achieved explosive speeds. We could’ve accessed magical realms through the depths of union. But Alas, even my fires are aware of unattainable desires in limited realms. So they continue to burn, for it is their right. As it is yours to flow here and there. To fill up different spaces in this realm. As it is my right to watch it all. To humour it. To be. To be because of it all and to be despite. To celebrate and struggle and to seek true freedom through it all.