Breathe, let’s go.

Old blogpost snippet 3 – January 9th 2019

Okay… fine. You and I, dear me, we’re going to end this.

Holding out hope only goes well with patience. Which you do not have. Yes, you have no patience. You do not have the time to exercise patience. So unless you be a sane, practical bird and migrate gracefully, the cold is going to get to your heart. Do you understand? You can cry. As much as you want. You can let the pain consume you or any longing become you, as long as you continue on the path that you’ve laid out for yourself. I need to see you putting in the work and the energy into what matters and what is going to matter. Yes, in some way, everything matters. Your heart will always have its concerns and familiar aches, needs and wants but you, darling, must be strong enough to ignore it all, still keeping hope and faith that anything you want, will come to you if you deserve it. We are not going to give up on growth for love. We are not going to give up on adventures for comfort. I know you. You lie to yourself. Saying you want good things like a category of love or comfort, while you do everything you could to prevent yourself from having these things. You know why? It’s because, deep down, you know what you’re here for. You know what’ll aid your growth and the advancement of your journey. The way you crave the pain and abandonment might be worrisome, but once you dissect you, you see that it’s not the pain you crave, it is the strength that you manage to gather each time you’re in torment. It is the strength you gather that flows through you when you need to tackle that very pain and all those aches. So what, you cannot be held? Hold yourself and your head high. So what, you do not belong anywhere? You were never meant to. So what, you feel alone? Cherish it. It’ll turn you into a force. So what, everything is unfamiliar? Great things never come from comfort zones. So what, your heart is heavy? Scream. Write. Dance. Pour it all out on to the canvases of this planet. Do not be afraid to say anything, to be anything. Do not hold back…

I want to scream from the top of a building “I LOVE YOU” to all of the city. I do I really do and I am not ashamed of it, of any of it. My heart is stupid, it is stupid and it’s mine to deal with and it is okay. I am in love, constantly, with everything, with all of it. With all the names plucking at my heartstrings. I am a slave to all the things that make me feel alive, that make me want to live. I am a trinket, I am yours, my dear everythings. I am yours and I am going. I am going and I will hold you in precious places of my being for all of eternity. I swear to you, I will. I will love you, my everythings. Ever so fiercely, ever so unconditionally. I believe so, it is deeply true. With my heart so strong that even in death, its ripples will continue. From far far away, and ages ago, I have said my heart is strong enough for billions. Billions of stories and people and places. So what harm could they do, these aching, beautiful few. I will fall again and again. With no fear. I am strong enough to endure all the heartache in the world and still love like I’ve never before. With endless courage. I love you, here I go. I love you and goodbye.