Take it

written on August 1, 2018

It was bitter cold- the wind, but I really couldn’t care. 

I existed, dumbfounded. Muffled in acceptance.

I wanted a hand to hold, a voice to speak to me. 

In the middle of the world, I wanted to strip down to nothing. 

Take it. Take it. I whispered.  

Every stupid thing that excited me.

Every person I couldn’t try to be.

Every thing I had come to know.

Every wound that I let show. 

Take it. Take it. 

Every secret that I shared and kept.

Every time I stumbled, laughed or wept. 

Every time I failed to articulate in awe. 

Every person from my thoughts I couldn’t withdraw. 

Take it. Take it.  

Every time I felt stupid, every time I felt proud.

Every time my body shook silly in front of a crowd. 

Every thing I protected, everything that I learnt.

Every time I felt vulnerable, all the bridges I burnt. 

Take it. Take it. 

All the love in my being, all the pain in my chest.  

All the words that I spilled, all the neglected rest. 

All the wonder, all the joy, all the pride, every tear. 

All the abnormal outcomes of assorted fear.

Take it. Take it. Take it. Take it. 

All the times my heart raced, all of the numbing zeal. 

All the breathless seconds. Every dirty appeal. 

All the tingles on my skin and all of its causes. 

All the confident sentences, all the awkward pauses. 

Take it. Take it. Take it. Take it. 

All the opinions and all the judgments that were made.

All the mistakes and needs, all the things I would trade. 

All the times I closed my eyes and repeated a name. 

All the moments that I realised I’d never be the same.

Take it. Take it. Take it. Take it. 

I sat in my head somehow gently ripping off my skin.

“Take it.” The phrase echoed again and again within. 

Amongst the echo, one thought gave me peace. 

You can’t really be terrified of losing nothing.